Ephesians 6:4

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord”

“And”: “On the other hand, parents must show themselves worthy to be obeyed. ‘Children, obey your parents' was not designed as. weapon to be placed in the hands of godless tyrants. The duty of children toward parents is not more real than that of parents toward children. Submission on the one side is no more necessary than gentleness and sympathetic guidance on the other” (Erdman p. 127). “Fathers”: “All this is for the father's sake as well as for the children. He needs to be involved with his children. Some abandon their children through divorce and others through neglect. Both are damning” (Caldwell p. 293).

Mothers do not have. right to provoke their children to wrath any more than fathers, yet fathers are specifically mentioned because God views them as the head of the household and the spiritual leader of the home (Genesis 18:19; Joshua 2:15) This demands that the father must spend time with the children. Too many fathers simply want to provide the entertainment or recreation for their children. The father must also provide spiritual leadership and wise counsel. Mothers must be included in the following process of encouragement and godly instruction. God is letting all fathers know, that they are responsible for making sure that their child is properly disciplined, instructed, and encouraged. This means that the husband is divinely commanded to intervene when his wife is breaking the spirit of their children or becoming cruel in the discipline given. “The picture he paints of fathers as self-controlled, gentle, patient educators of their children is in stark contrast to the norm of his own day” (Stott p. 245). “Even though Roman law and social custom might give them virtually unlimited authority over their children, God sets limits” (Boles p. 326). We need to be impressed that what some might call "strict teaching" (obey your parents), is intended to ensure that your "rights" are protected. Some are under the naive impression that without God, or in. "godless" society, they would have more rights. Not true! The very same section of Scripture that places children in subjection to their parents equally protects children from ungodly parents.

“Provoke not”: To enrage and provoke to wrath. “Don't overcorrect” (Phi). “Stop exasperating your children” (Wms). “Do not rouse your children to resentment” (Knox). “To anger with irritation because of injustice or needless severity. Unjust, improper, or unreasonable treatment breaks down the respect of children for their parents” (Caldwell p. 293). “The word implies being so heavy-handed and unreasonable with children that they are driven to. helpless state of frustration and anger. Paul's similar command in Colossians 3:21 warns that in such. situation the children will ‘become discouraged'” (Boles p. 326). We can break of the spirit of our children by offering them. continual stream of criticism. “Luther used to say: ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child--that is true; but beside the rod keep an apple to give him when he has done well'” (Erdman p. 178). “Parents can easily misuse their authority either by making irritating or unreasonable demands or by harshness and cruelty at one extreme or by favoritism and over-indulgence at the other, or by humiliating or suppressing them. How many ‘angry young men', hostile to society at large, have learned their hostility as children in an unsympathetic home? There is. place for discipline but it must never be arbitrary (for children have. built-in sense of justice) or unkind” (Stott p. 246).

Parents, especially fathers, must be very careful that the "rules" they enforce are fair, are important to God, and are the result of sound reasoning and application based on clear Scriptures. Because to enforce some "rule" upon my child that is unreasonable and the result of unsound biblical application, is to destroy my credibility as. parent. The Father should be seen as someone who "knows" Scripture, who "wisely" applies it, and who can be depended upon for sound interpretation (Proverbs 2:1; Proverbs 3:1; Proverbs 4:1). As. parent. don't want my child to grow into an adult who is in bondage to human religious traditions, mis-interpretation and who is proclaiming perverted and twisted texts of Scripture that. gave them, because. was not careful in my own study. It is hard enough to live the Christian life, without having. mind filled with improper applications of Scripture (2 Peter 3:16). So before you make. "rule", put yourself in the shoes of your child. Listen to the arguments that you are going to offer in defense of this rule. Do they make sense? Are they weak? Can you see holes or inconsistencies in your own reasoning? Remember, children can "see" through weak arguments as well.

“Wrath”: “Modern parents, however, often go to the other extreme. They discipline timidity and reluctantly, fearful of incurring the wrath of their spoiled children. They are constantly seeking the approval of their children and avoid any discipline that might displease them” (Boles p. 326). “But”: For every wrong action, God has. good, useful and productive alternative. “Nurture them”: To cherish or train and to rear up to maturity. “But raise them” (Beck). “Children are. blessing and should not be viewed as. burden” (Caldwell p. 292). See Psalms 127:3. As in all other areas, God has provided helpful instruction for parents. We are told to rear our children up to maturity, but God also tells us how. The Christian parent must be convinced that God has given them every essential "tool" for this good work (2 Timothy 3).

“Possess”: “The verb can be used in the sense ‘to gain mastery over'” (Marshall p. 109). “Himself of his own vessel”: The question among commentators is, “What does the word vessel refer to?” Basically two views exist. The word vessel refers to the body of the believer (2 Corinthians 4:7

What. wonderful observation. As. father. can delegate certain aspects of my child's education to their bible class teacher,. public or private school, their mother,. tutor,. university,. music teacher, and so on. But. never surrender the fact that. am still the one who is responsible for raising them. We may need to remind any education institution that our children belong to us and not to them, and that we are simply contracting with them to provide us with. service. If the service is bad, we have the divine right to find someone else who can do. better job.

Stott is right. Nothing on the face of this earth can adequately replace. mom and. dad. No human institution can give your children what you can give them. Parents, with the father as the head of the parenting-team, are responsible for the "whole" training and education of their child. It is their divine task to see that their child matures physically, socially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The word "chastening" includes the idea of physical discipline. The New Testament authorizes parents to exercise physical punishment when such is needed. The Bible clearly teaches that the parents have the divine right and obligation to exercise corporeal punishment (Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 23:13; Proverbs 29:15).

Yet discipline does not mean that the parent has the right to abuse their child. Stott makes the following comment, “Parents must be clear about their motives. It is always dangerous for them to discipline their children when they are annoyed, when their pride has been injured, or when they have lost their temper. When you are disciplining. child, you should have first controlled yourself. What right have you to say to your child that he needs discipline when you obviously need it yourself? Self-control, the control of temper, is an essential prerequisite in the control of others” (pp. 248-249). “The opposite of wrong discipline is not the absence of discipline, but right discipline. true discipline. To the other extreme we need to say: ‘The opposite of no discipline at all is not cruelty, it is balanced discipline, it is controlled discipline'” (Stott p. 248).

Years ago. ran across the following hints for effective discipline: Listen to explanations before making final conclusions. Punish on the basis of motive. A lie is different from. spilled bowl of cereal. Do not threaten the child. Keep rules to. minimum but enforce consistently those that are most important. Do not punish children by making them do things they should enjoy, like reading. Avoid ridicule, sarcasm, and irony. Mother and Father must stand united behind their decisions. Never discipline when angry (or when you lack self-control).

“Admonition”: “Instruction or warning, seems to refer primarily to verbal education” (Stott p. 248). “Putting in mind of right. It involves encouragement to good conduct” (Caldwell p. 295). “Whatever is needed to cause the monition to be laid to heart” (Vincent p. 404). Admonition includes all verbal instruction that is intended to put the child in the proper frame of mind. Parents must warn, they must rebuke and they must encourage and exhort. God does not forget about the "older children". One may be "too big" for. spanking, but children never outgrow the need for encouragement and stern words if necessary. God has provided many "admonitions" in the Scriptures to share with our children (Deuteronomy 6:1; 2 Timothy 3:15).

“One popular contemporary fashion is to urge parents to be totally ‘non-directive' and to leave their children to find their own way. Paul is of. different mind” (Stott p. 249). The idea that we should not instruct our children with what we believe is naive and foolish. As if nobody else will? The atheist does not raise his children by such. naive standard! He makes sure that his children know exactly what he believes and why. The local school does not treat our children in this manner and neither does the media. Listen, if our children should not hold to the same convictions that we have, then our convictions are worthless.

“Of the Lord”: “In such training and correction as befits the servants of the Lord” (Con). “With the sort of education and counsel the Lord approves” (Wms). “Such discipline as is prescribed by the Lord” (Vincent p. 404). This last phrase modifies everything just said. The Bible does not teach nor does it endorse child abuse. Everything that the parent does for the child, is to be done in. way that the Lord approves. This means that as parents we only have. right to teach our children those concepts and truths that are scriptural. Remember,. parent can be guilty of being. false teacher. We are responsible for sharing the gospel with our children, and we need to make sure that what we teach them is not tarnished with our own human opinions and prejudices, but is the pure word of God. “Certainly the overriding concern of Christian parents is not just that their children will submit to their authority, but that through this they will come to know and obey the Lord. There is always much rejoicing and thanksgiving whenever the teaching and discipline of. Christian home leads, not artificially but naturally, to. child's acceptance of the teaching and discipline of the Lord Jesus Himself” (Stott p. 250).

Servants and Masters

“Slavery seems to have been universal in the ancient world.. high percentage of the population were slaves. It has been computed that in the Roman Empire there were 60,000,000 slaves. They constituted the work force, and included not only domestic servants and manual laborers but educated people as well, like doctors, teachers and administrators. Nobody queried or challenged the arrangement. The institution of slavery was. fact of Mediterranean economic life” (Stott p. 250). The "enlightened" Greek and Roman world had. very low view of slaves. “For all his intellect and culture Aristotle could not contemplate any friendship between slave and slave-owner, for, he said, ‘A slave is. living tool, just as. tool is an inanimate slave'” (Stott p. 251). “Cato gives advice to. man taking over. farm. He must go over it and throw out everything that is past its work; and old slaves too must be thrown out on the scrap heap to starve. When. slave is ill it is sheer extravagance to issue him with normal rations” (Barclay pp. 179-180). The Bible sees it differently (Philemon 1:16).

Not all masters were cruel, but some were (1 Peter 2:18). “A Roman writer lays it down: ‘Whatever. master does to. slave, undeservedly, in anger, willingly, unwillingly, in forgetfulness, after careful thought, knowingly, unknowingly, is judgment, justice and law'” (Barclay p. 180). We must carefully note that God expects the Christian slave, even the slave in harsh conditions, to live by the same moral standard required of all other Christians. Hardship and abuse never gives anyone the right to sin (Titus 2:9). “He does not tell them to rebel. The great message of Christianity to every man is that it is where God has set us that we must live out the Christian life. The circumstances may be all against us, but only makes the challenge greater. Christianity does not offer us escape from circumstances; it offers us conquest of circumstances” (Barclay p. 181). The Bible treats even the lowest classes of society with respect and dignity. God does not view the slave as. "tool", but as. human being who is capable of outstanding moral and ethical behavior even in the most difficult situations (1 Peter 2:18). We learn then that anyone can live the Christian life.